my Broken wings

Having spent the last 3 months trialing and erroring (if there ever was a word), I have come to a stand still. It almost seems like i'm starting over (no i havent put all the weight back on......well a little but i havent weighed myself....i'm still a size 10/12). I have tried sooooo many different diets, read so many books, tried to have 'good days' or perfect or clean foods days and have tried to work out for hours on end....how did i get on you ask? i've binged! i've binged like food was my crack! sugary foods mostly and i've picked up most of the bad habits i thought i had left behind for good!!! I think my only saving grace has been that i move alot. I love exercise, eat clean sometimes and lift weights but my binges are sooooo bad, they are disgraceful and this worries me as i've worked too freaking hard for all of it to go up in flames. I do want to reach my weight loss goal! i do want to say to myself 'girlfriend, you're skinny' ;-)I do want to be my dream weight (130lbs and a size 8) for conor's 2nd birthday. So here i am ..... again. afraid, confused, terrified, unsure ad ashamed! I'm sarah and i'm an overeater! there! i said it! but thats the last time i'm saying it and this is a promise to myself. I had my last sugared brownie today, I made my last excuse today and i've hit rock bottom for the last time today!!! I'm an overeater no more,my old bad food habits are in the past and i have a plan i'll stick to until i reach my goal and even beyond. My first step will be to weigh myself tomorrow. These are bad times for me diet and weight wise but i feel like i've grown and i'm stronger since i started this journey almost two years back. I just cant give up now, so i start again, broken wings and all but with a fire and determination in my heart that i believe will see me through!