When people talk about what they were like in high school/college, they very generally put themselves into one of two categories- geeks/nerds or popular/cool kids. (Its one of those little culture traits that started from the US)I was never either. I was waayyy too fat and 'introvert' with terribly embrassing parents to be a 'cool' kid but i was also not school smart or uniquely different enough to be classified as a 'nerd'. I was bang in the middle....extremely average, mediocre....wonderfully ordinary. And since high school, thats how i've carried on, so it will probably not come as a suprise when i say i had only one or two very close friends pretty much through my life and everyoneelse just sort of fleeted in and out periodically, whenever it suited and i was pleased for the company.
Now dont get me wrung, i wasnt a loner or anything like that, infact sometimes i loved my own company. I'm the girl who sometimes goes to the cinema on her own to watch a movie she loves(i still do that), or has lunch in the pub with a book as her companion or goes shopping by herself and comes home with nothing... in Wayne W's own words "You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with". I love my company but when i got pregnant and friends were few/scarce, i did worry for awhile that this will affect my unborn child, especially if he ended up an 'only' child. I was scared he would struggle socially, (i mean i didnt really have that problem as a child, as i am one of 6!)
Looking back now, i needn't have worried, as not only have i found him playmates and a 'potential' girlfriend(hard to say as she's blowing a bit hot and cold at the moment) But i think i've finally found my place in the world. I've found friends i can actually talk to and just 'be'myself with, i've found love, support and happiness in places i never even thought possible and for once in my life, i dont really have to rely on my inner strength to get me through things......
Counting all my blessings just now, i feel sooo in love with Jesus right now........or is it just gratitude???
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Monday, July 11, 2011
road to self discovery
Its been brought to my attention that i'm a flake. Apparently i start a project with unrealistic/unsustainable enthusiasm which dies out really quickly so i never hang on to anything long enough. I tried to deny this but just looking back at my posts(didnt even have to look that far, yesterdays post was enough)i was faced with the ugly truth, it is true, i am a flake and .......yes....I have indeed fallen out of love with this healthy lifestyle, i've lost speed, momentum, drive.... whatever it is you call it, its gone and i'm left with an empty feeling in my stomach and an extra 41lbs i'm not sure what to do with.
But sometimes in life, you do things 'not because you will but because you must' so instead of just giving up like i 'usually' do, i've decided to presevere. i'm going to treat this diet and weight loss thing (in tracy anderson's word) like 'a job'(although God knows i havent done very well with those in my time) I'm going to turn up, 5 days a week at 6 am in the morning and i'm going to do an hour of exercise, i'm also going to log all my food calories in my food dairy every single day until i fall back in love with 'skinny'. This i solemnly swear.
Its just got to be done. And this time, really for the last time. So again, bring on tuesday!
Still on the subject of discovery, i discovered today that as far as babies are concerned, i'm a completely different person and i can take more than i thought i could! Never would i have thought that i'd hold a thread worm that came out of bj's bum and not flinch or be covered in baby poo and never give it a second thought, or look forward to pooey nappies and derive pleasure in cleaning the poo! i actually think myself a professional and take pride in the fact that i can do it under 30 secs without leaving any poo stains behind!
This life is really full of suprises and i've got to say, i'm loving most of them xxx
But sometimes in life, you do things 'not because you will but because you must' so instead of just giving up like i 'usually' do, i've decided to presevere. i'm going to treat this diet and weight loss thing (in tracy anderson's word) like 'a job'(although God knows i havent done very well with those in my time) I'm going to turn up, 5 days a week at 6 am in the morning and i'm going to do an hour of exercise, i'm also going to log all my food calories in my food dairy every single day until i fall back in love with 'skinny'. This i solemnly swear.
Its just got to be done. And this time, really for the last time. So again, bring on tuesday!
Still on the subject of discovery, i discovered today that as far as babies are concerned, i'm a completely different person and i can take more than i thought i could! Never would i have thought that i'd hold a thread worm that came out of bj's bum and not flinch or be covered in baby poo and never give it a second thought, or look forward to pooey nappies and derive pleasure in cleaning the poo! i actually think myself a professional and take pride in the fact that i can do it under 30 secs without leaving any poo stains behind!
This life is really full of suprises and i've got to say, i'm loving most of them xxx
Sunday, July 10, 2011
end of the weekend
It is safe to say i failed the weekend challenge. Friday evening came and i fell for temptation like a cheap hooker with no morals and less self control! it was horrible and i'm ashamed of it. What exactly was it that made me throw all my hardwork away you ask? It was yummy marble cake, not the crap one with cocoa powder, nope, the home made one with real melted belgian chocolate!!! I'm filled with guilt and shame as the weekend comes to an end especially since my sister phoned me and told me she is now exactly a whole stone ahead of me on the scales. Not a good day today, not a good day.
On the bright side, i did exercise at a high intensity the whole weekend and i'm hoping that should count for something right?, bj isnt struggling so hard with his teeting yet(touch wood) and church was amazing and inspiring today, so the weekend wasnt a total bust.
I've got exactly 3 days till weigh in and my goal was 3lbs weight loss, i think its save to say thats not going to happen, so heres hoping to a pound weight loss on thursday morning. I've also learnt the hard way that to make this a lifestyle and to actually reach my target of 9st, i need to pace myself. I looked at my dairy on MFP yesterday and realised i hadnt had a none exercise day for 20 days!!! and so it came as no suprise that last night my muscles and joints were so achy and my body was beyond exhausted that i just couldnt sleep. I spent the day today on the sofa napping instead of doing anything productive!
So come fridays, i'll make sure i have a rest day and also, definately no more baking at the weekend! scouts honour!!
On the bright side, i did exercise at a high intensity the whole weekend and i'm hoping that should count for something right?, bj isnt struggling so hard with his teeting yet(touch wood) and church was amazing and inspiring today, so the weekend wasnt a total bust.
I've got exactly 3 days till weigh in and my goal was 3lbs weight loss, i think its save to say thats not going to happen, so heres hoping to a pound weight loss on thursday morning. I've also learnt the hard way that to make this a lifestyle and to actually reach my target of 9st, i need to pace myself. I looked at my dairy on MFP yesterday and realised i hadnt had a none exercise day for 20 days!!! and so it came as no suprise that last night my muscles and joints were so achy and my body was beyond exhausted that i just couldnt sleep. I spent the day today on the sofa napping instead of doing anything productive!
So come fridays, i'll make sure i have a rest day and also, definately no more baking at the weekend! scouts honour!!
Friday, July 8, 2011
Friday the 8th- weekend challenge
Its the weekend again! yay!! For some reason, i always struggle with my diet at the weekends. Theres just something about 2 and a half work free days(for hubby not me) that makes me want to just relax a little and stuff my face. Friday eves i make a nice supp and always think it should end with a nice home made pudd and sunday is the worst!! if i make roast then i just have to complement it with some marble cake or warm gooey chocolate brownies and vanilla icecream whilst we sit and catch up on some desperate housewives or scrubs. Since hubby doesnt really have a sweet tooth its safe to say i eat alomst all of it and come monday i'm filled with guilt, shame and alot of saturated fat!
But this weekend, all that is about to change(or so i hope) I've done quite well with my weighins in the last few weeks, consistently loosing 1.5-2lbs a week and i need to increase it or maintain it. On MFP a friend set up a challenge for the weekend: Give up one thing that always sabotages your diet at the weekends! i decided to give up baking.
So no baking this weekend. this decision does indeed make me very sad. Ooohh the price we pay to look fabulous!
But this weekend, all that is about to change(or so i hope) I've done quite well with my weighins in the last few weeks, consistently loosing 1.5-2lbs a week and i need to increase it or maintain it. On MFP a friend set up a challenge for the weekend: Give up one thing that always sabotages your diet at the weekends! i decided to give up baking.
So no baking this weekend. this decision does indeed make me very sad. Ooohh the price we pay to look fabulous!
Sunday, July 3, 2011
somewhere in between
It feels like ages since i last updated my diary. And it probably is, my excuse is..... no not bj but my fitness pal!! that website is soooo freaking addictive. It helps you lose weight for free and all everyone does on there is talk about weight which is just brill!!! it keeps my will power to have a lot less of me strong and on days when i want to obsesse, i just go on there and do it and there is no judgement! no, just lots and lots of encouragement! love it.
I've also been side tracked with life! alot of things have happened in the space of 2 weeks. The christening has been postponed, i joined a gym(just for the exercise classes) and i'm doing a lot more than i used to! ooohhh and bj has started weaning, using annabel karmal's book and he just loves all her yummy amazing recipes. More on the exercise classes, i only find the time to go to these classes in the evening after supps and when i get back home, all i want is a long nice bath and bed because in the morning it all starts again.
i've still got my weight loss goal but i've tweaked it a bit! since i turn 23 on the 23rd of july i figured it is worth working out for and losing a few lbs especially as i'm getting all made up and going on a girly night out on the 30th to celebrate the event. So i'm hoping to lose 10lbs plus the 6lbs i've already lost and wear a fabulous size 10 dress that eve!!! oh dear!! heres to hoping xxxx
I've also been side tracked with life! alot of things have happened in the space of 2 weeks. The christening has been postponed, i joined a gym(just for the exercise classes) and i'm doing a lot more than i used to! ooohhh and bj has started weaning, using annabel karmal's book and he just loves all her yummy amazing recipes. More on the exercise classes, i only find the time to go to these classes in the evening after supps and when i get back home, all i want is a long nice bath and bed because in the morning it all starts again.
i've still got my weight loss goal but i've tweaked it a bit! since i turn 23 on the 23rd of july i figured it is worth working out for and losing a few lbs especially as i'm getting all made up and going on a girly night out on the 30th to celebrate the event. So i'm hoping to lose 10lbs plus the 6lbs i've already lost and wear a fabulous size 10 dress that eve!!! oh dear!! heres to hoping xxxx
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