my 1st lightbulb moment

After months of putting my body through rigorous and exhausting exercise regimes my body finally gave up today! it said it was done with being punished.
It happened today right in the middle of the 2nd level of metamorphosis, i just collasped on the mat and sat there watching tracy doing the moves that i should be doing and with the body that i should have and it just hit me, that
1)this is NOT sustainable!
2)Perfection should NOT be a word because its almost impossible to attain and when you 'think' you have attained it, you spend the rest of your life driving yourself crazy just trying to maintain it! its like a freaking prison that we humans CHOOSE to go into!! like self mutilation or something.

I know what everyone will be thinking- she had it coming. Oh i definately did! and you know what? it's made me learn a lesson.
(light bulb point no. 3)
3) weightloss is not about punishing your body! its about loving your body as this really is the only one you've got.
Now dont get me wrong! i'm not giving up on my weight loss journey, i mean i have 30lbs still to go before i'm at a healthy bmi (talking about loving myself!)
I've just decided i need to change my ways: adjust my exercise regime to suit my body and my food habits to suit my lifestyle.
so here goes:
for the next 3 weeks......
1)i am giving up high impact aerobics! ek!!!!
2)My aerobics exercise will consist of only 40mins of power walking 4 times a week
3)i will tone only once a week and compliment that with yoga 2 times a week
4) i will eat small portions of healthy food 4 times a day
am i scared?!!! you bet your skinny bum i am! but its got to be done.
looking forward to the next 3 weeks and those numbers on the scales changing(in a good way ;-)

my comeback

ok so my last post was over a month ago, is it ok to use being a mum as my excuse? i suppose not but in my defence, my life has been crazy busy but in a great way!! Bj has started crawling/hopping around in a froggish manner and it's just the cutest thing ever. I'm returning to uni, i'm getting better at being organised 'i think' and my home business seems to be growing and in the last few weeks i've been around sooo many friends and family. Its all just been amazing
Now to the 'loosing weight bit'. Strictly speaking i'm still on my mission. i have fallen off the wagon ALOT but as the chinese proverb goes- You cant fail if you never quit! and so here i am. in the last few weeks or so i have set myself about 3 different challeneges, i have been on and off weight watchers, i've exercised like a crazy person and on MFP i set up an august challenge to lose a stone in a month, all very unrealistic but achieveable goals, i didnt meet any of these goals but i have lost 14lbs so far!!! so i think i'm doing ok.
With all these amazing experiences i have learnt sooo much along the way and have adjusted my weightloss goals as a result. i still want to lose 30lbs but i need to strecth it out over a long period of time, also i need this to be a life style and even though i love exercise(well i like the toning bit and the rush i get after a sweaty session in the gym or after a dance so that counts for loving exercise yes?) i need to understand portion control and have a positive attitude towards food, JUNK food in particular!
i am working on it all and i'm sooo looking forward to going back to uni but feel so guilty to be leaving bj twice a week! oh well, more on that later!! Date night tonight so need to get my pretty on. xxxx