My first day of spring

After having what feels like the longest winter ever, today, the sun seems to be peaking out and the temperature is rising....albeit slowly. That being said, i havent been able to warm up all day.... The last six months have been anything but boring and now i'm on the final stretch with 2nd year work before the holidays, i'm bogged down with so many commitments i cant seem to see the end of the tunnel. i realized yesterday that i'm now officially 12lbs heavier than i was last year November(i weighed my ligthest then: 145lbs), i've lost all control with my battle to eat healthy and i feel blue....perhaps thats the reason why i still feel cold. On the plus side,i cleaned out the oven yesterday, the aga is working again so the kitchen is nice and warm and i ran my 2nd 10k on the treadmill today. I beat my 1st 10k by only 2 secs but i needed that run. I'm not a runner, i almost hate running and i dont believe its great for exercise but say what you must, it is great for stress realease.....well especially if you own one at home. Because there was me, out on my own in our gym at 6am in the morning, gym door wide open,speed and incline cranked up until it hurt physically and screaming at the top of my lungs.....pretty sure if you saw someone doing that in a public gym, you would leave or ask for the person to be removed! That said, it really helped clear my head, calm me and prepare me for my first great health day. The last few months being on a bad diet has really affected me in ways i didnt think possible.It has almost damaged something in me i wasnt even aware existed. It really has taken its toll. All through my run, my thoughts moved from fat sarah, to sarah struggling to lose weight, to sarah at near goal and now to sarah in a lost place....I have no idea how i got here but i know i wont be in this crazy grey area for long. After this morning, i feel like i'm back on the weight loss train, literally. And quoting coach calorie: I'll be digging deeper than ever to find my inner strength and i will drown out all the white noise.....and eventually, dont worry, i'll warm up again.