one cloudy day

If you look outside right now, at what the weather is like- forceful wind, doom and gloom with a promise of rain- Its exactly how i feel inside. I feel like i have reached breaking point and so soon in my journey, it is not good news. I feel like i have set myself unrealistic targets and so i'm not satisfied with any progress if it isnt extraordinary.
I woke up today and i felt like i'd just been hit by a ton of bricks, mostly because i weighed myself and i had lost nothing. i refused to go out, i refused to do anything but my cardio and bless bj if it werent for him, i think i would have just sobbed the day away. He was wonderful today, making silly faces and loud gurgly noises i'd never heard before and making mummy laugh...so grateful to the little minx.
But it made me question myself- why am i doing this? have i lost sight of my goal? I need to get a little prespective.
Today, right now, this very minute, i consider myself the luckiest girl on earth. I feel like all my dreams have come through. I have an amazing hubby who would support me through anything, i had an easy pregnancy, an easy birth, a healthy child who makes my world just the most amazing place and i have so many choices, i can run a business i'm so passionate about or go back to uni and carry on with a course that interests me. I have everything i've always wanted but why arent i as happy as i should be or can be? why arent i content? Why is there always something?
I want to lose weight to be a better me, i want to be happy in my skin and i want to add that to the happiness and goodness in my life not takeaway??, i dont want my journey to 'perfection' to affect the happiness i have already, i want it to complement it and i must always remember that.
On that note i'm mixing up my routine (again dont judge me too harshly) 'm going to try one of my old aerobics dvds, just to spice things up a bit and to keep me from quitting. This journey for me is about what works and i used to enjoy a workout so much but since trying to stick to tracys i've struggled because well my life has changed. I need to readjust.
I'm not a quitter and i refuse to lose the battle of the bulge, i'd rather stray a bit from tracy (even though i love her) than give up exercise completely. So here goes nothing! xxxx